Yesterday we were told in the morning that Ella most likely wont need a pace maker! So to celebrate, we did a quick trip home. It was just what we needed. I knew I missed home, but I didn't realize how much. It was so hard to leave... Eli was excited to be home with us and had a slumber party on our mattress with BB in our living room.
Like I've said before, Ella is an every other day kind of girl... so yesterday was a good day, so that means today was... yep... a not so good day...
We were told her body was not handling the breast milk well and she developed what's called chylothorax. It's essentially where her body developed leak of fat. So now she has to go on a non fat formula for 6-8 weeks so her body can heal. This one hit me hard. Really hard. I was so frustrated because her numbers were a 41 then a 61 the next day and all of a sudden they shot up to 215 and the doctors don't like to see it above 110. Honestly, I was mad at God. I had prayed and prayed that I'd be able to breastfeed her and now it looks like that will most likely never happen. I was bawling in our room and asking God why He's allowing all of these things to go wrong. I still don't know the answer to that but all I know is that we live in a fallen world and this has been a good example of that. I'm feeling pretty weary. I just wanted one thing that I could do that most normal mom's get to do but now that's been taken away too. Please pray for me to get some sort of encouragement... I am really discouraged.
Ella was also supposed to get extubated from the ventilator today and... you guessed it... that's postponed as well. Her oxygen SATs have been all over the place once again. Please pray that those even out so she can get extubated tomorrow.
I've read about a lot of these things happening and nothing can really prepare you for the heartbreak that comes with this process.
Sorry for the downer post, but today has been a pretty rough day.
-Jillian
Oh Dear Sweet Jillian. I love your wants for Ella and That is a real true mom. You can donate your milk to help other babies in need if your up to the task. So many babies moms are unable too. My heart breaks for all you and your family are going through and all the ups and downs. You belief in god is so strong and this will help you through these hard times but unfortunately do not take them away. I am praying for you all and especially sweet baby Ella. Thank you for keep up all informed to pray and follow in your journey. You are such a positive person who is going through the roughest time at this moment and it is great to talk about it. ♥️♥️
ReplyDeleteStay strong Waechters! Praying with you through this tough ordeal! 🙏
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post- so that we know specifically how to pray. We appreciate being a part of this journey. That does sound like a really hard day & I am sad with you. But not without the hope of Jesus! It is pretty amazing to be able to find hope and rest in Him. We are continuing to pray. We love you!
ReplyDeleteI hope Ella gets better as soon as possable I might not speak for everyone but the class misses you -R
ReplyDeletePraying for all of your hearts - for God's hand to touch her physical heart and your and Matt's emotional hearts. You ARE doing the work of real mothering, Jillian, by being there, loving her unconditionally and fighting for her very life. There's no telling what will happen to her ability to metabolize breast milk in the future...perhaps once her body isn't working so hard recovering from surgery and her every-other-day-stuggles God may give that back to you both. And if not, He is still good and walking right beside you all through this deep valley.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is aching for you all. Your ups and downs of emotions are so understandable and expected...There is nothing so painful as the things that affect our children. And these are extremely serious things, difficult things, and things that you cannot know the outcome of, so that always adds stress. But God has a plan, as you said, and He is over this, in this, through this, and in you as you walk this road. I am praying for sweet, tiny Ella, for you, and Matt, and Eli, and the grandparents, and the doctors and nurses and all who are involved. You are correct that knowing God is in control and knowing what is "normal" in this situation is not the same as experiencing it and going through each day. All of your friends and family will be like Aaron was for Moses in the battle, where Aaron held up Moses's arms when he could no longer do it himself. We are holding up your arms through prayer. God will accomplish His will...nothing can thwart it, whatever it is. But that does not make the experience easier...the stress of not knowing what is ahead can be almost unbearable. But you are not like those with no hope. No matter how long it takes, or what the future holds, or what the short-term or long-term outcome is, our God is unchanging and will not leave you or forsake you. He is not surprised by any of this. May he put His arms around you and give you the peace that passes understanding as you journey through these most difficult days. Your steady faith is an inspiration to us. We will continue to "hold up your arms." Love you. ~ Karen Dahl
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