The Rolling Stones Had It Right

"You can't always get what you waaannttt..." is a part of the Rolling Stones song that we sing to Eli often. 😀 Whether it's to teach him that he doesn't get everything he wants or to defuse his frustration in desiring something really badly that he cannot have, that portion of the song is something that he hears relatively often. But this past weekend I've caught myself singing it in my head to remind me of it as well because I have desired things that I didn't get to have.

This weekend was supposed to be a long and fun weekend that Matt, Eli, Ella, and I would get to have together. On Friday, Matt and I picked up Eli ready to make the trek down to Sacramento for the weekend with fun adventures in store. Those plans that we made were quickly thwarted because Eli had caught a cold. Now this wouldn't normally feel unfair to me because I know kids get sick, but for it to happen on the only long weekend that we had as a family totally (for lack of better word) sucked. We had plans to hang together in the hospital and to go to a museum or a park to celebrate being together again but we couldn't. But this really wasn't the main thing that bothered me, this cold meant that we couldn't go see Ella and be a family of four for the weekend... Now-a-days I really look forward to the weekends because they often mean I get to see my husband and my son and we FINALLY get to be a whole family. Matt and I joke around saying that we thought that our 3 years of long distance during our dating days were enough for us, but here we are again! 😂 We got to enjoy Saturday with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law who came to visit. Eli was acting funny but I thought it was because he missed his nap. That night Eli had a really restless night's sleep and we knew something was up. We woke up to a snotty nose boy who refused to blow it, claiming he was "too little" to do so 😉. (If anyone has advice on how to teach him to blow his nose, holla at me) So we were stuck. We couldn't take Eli into Ella's room or even the hospital for fear that he would get Ella or someone else in critical condition sick. Thankfully my brother-in-law and sister-in-law offered to leave for their vacation late (THANK YOU TIM AND JULIE!!!) and watch Eli so Matt and I could get some time with our girl together.

After Tim and Julie left, we decided to take shifts. One with one sick boy and the other with one sick girl. 😷 I kept thinking, "Really God? Why couldn't I have just had this ONE holiday weekend?" And to be honest, I still wonder why Eli had to get sick, but I also realized the good that came from it. I can't tell you the last time that Eli and I got to snuggle and be together just the two of us and I missed it! We used to have endless days of adventuring and snuggling together but since Ella has been so sick and in the hospital, it's been a while. Matt also got to be with his girl without me to interrupt (although he'd say that I wasn't interrupting). So we took shifts with our kids and prayed that Ella wouldn't get Eli's cold.

Fast forward to today, Ella's oxygen sats have been really low and the need for extra oxygen had been really high. We couldn't totally figure out why so the nurse and respiratory therapists did everything they could think of to get them up... I flippantly mentioned how Eli was sick during rounds and the doctors told me that that could be the reason Ella's respiratory system is struggling... meaning, she probably has a cold too. Once again, if this was a normal situation, I'd think, "Well it was only a matter of time for the baby to get sick", but since our situation is far from normal (ha!) I couldn't help but have my mind race to how long Eli was around her. Did he touch her? Was he infected when he saw her? Did I not see the signs? I could replay all of these things over and over in my head, but then I realize that it doesn't really help the situation and just brings me guilt.

So Ella had a respiratory panel done today to check to see if she has an infection and we will know the results soon. I am praying that it passes quickly and doesn't set us back too much. Even with just a cold, Ella's condition could get really bad. So I am thankful that we are at the hospital already and that she can be monitored closely.

Ella has been so cute and kind of smiling! I look like such a goofball when I talk to her because I talk in a silly high voice and I am super animated in attempt to get her to smile at me. I got one real smile today. Tomorrow I'm going all out to get 2. 😁

The other thing that "I don't always get what I want" is that Eli won't get to go to his first day of preschool tomorrow. But, once again, after living through everything that I have in the last 5 months, my perspective has changed and I know it's not the end of the world and he won't remember it anyway. Haha!

Anyway... I think the Rolling Stones really had it right. We don't always get what we want. And that's ok. In most cases we get something else, and often it's better than our original desires. It's amazing how we think we know what we need or want, but God REALLY knows what we need and He blesses us so beyond what we ultimately deserve.

Love,
Jillian